(416): So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.

(757): We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand

(727): Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.

(763): He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....

(443): Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.

(920): sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?

(732): He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.

(636): I'm the Oprah of jello shots

(412): Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.

(772): If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.

(617): Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards

(647): Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up

(647): My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.

(519): You were silly, high, and chewing on things.

(603): When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after