(347): That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
(815): All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
(631): So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
(1-631): I'm a family man but I have priorities
(248): Oh man
(248): I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
(937): I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
(561): I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
(626): For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
(818): I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
(724): Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
(404): In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.