(213): hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
(907): Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
(904): The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
(303): I respect the size of her balls.
(1-303): Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
(210): Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
(209): Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
(360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
(716): Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
(585): Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
(716): .......
(585): I'm just looking out for you.
(970): The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
(706): I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
(307): We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
(512): I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
(256): Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
(701): Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.