(347): That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito

(815): All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.

(631): So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family

(1-631): I'm a family man but I have priorities

(248): Oh man

(248): I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.

(720): Sensing a theme here

(1-720): If alcoholism is a theme, yes.

(937): I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me

(513): I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run

(561): I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?

(920): Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face

(603): This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.

(405): I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.

(626): For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.

(818): I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.

(724): Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.

(404): In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.

(309): One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work