(410): he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
(256): You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
(608): Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
(248): You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
(757): I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
(360): I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
(610): Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
(+44): Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
(306): I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
(732): i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.