(318): They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.

(770): All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

(303): She's just so happy...and so naked.

(807): Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath

(716): i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.

(724): I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week

(714): Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.

(847): Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"

(760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

(707): You rang?

(405): Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.

(206): She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient

(714): So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.

(513): Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.

(+44): It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

(704): The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.