(503): I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.

(604): he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...

(514): He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why

(630): He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?

(919): So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night

(603): a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds

(513): Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.

(330): Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.

(615): I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.

(530): Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.

(770): All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

(707): You rang?

(405): Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.

(860): He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis

(+44): It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

(850): Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model