(501): If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Best Nights of Today
(954): threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
(210): Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
(256): Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
(904): The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
(970): The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
(484): there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
(303): exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
(303): I respect the size of her balls.
(1-303): Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
(213): hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
(781): U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
(914): he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
(360): She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
(310): I'm so sick
(323): I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
(310): That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..