(213): hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"

(954): threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.

(907): Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.

(716): Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?

(585): Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.

(716): .......

(585): I'm just looking out for you.

(214): So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.

(650): sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else

(256): Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?

(519): Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"

(610): You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did

(501): If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...

(904): The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.

(210): Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.

(209): Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.

(512): I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?

(701): Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.