(513): Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.

(860): He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis

(206): She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient

(714): Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.

(402): I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.

(724): I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week

(330): Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.

(318): They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.

(630): He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?

(770): All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.

(+44): It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

(615): I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.

(804): You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.

(704): The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.

(514): He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why