his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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