i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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