don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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