What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize