I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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