He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Everything about him screamed your future.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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