totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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