I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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