so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize