she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize