You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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