my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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