Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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