I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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